Scene Two
Rabbi’s Office

Late Friday afternoon.

Joey’s back is towards us. He’s decked out in prayer regalia — including tefillin, which are on incorrectly. He’s checking the books and pulls one down, stops, pulls another, stops. He takes a hefty book and turns to face the audience, looking very much like the perfect rabbi.

An old-style intercom buzzes and we hear the voice of Sheryl.

Sheryl: Rabbi. You’ve got a visitor. I said to wait in the hall but . . . Rabbi?

Joey settles behind the desk. Relaxed. At home. He opens the book, flips the pages. Michael enters, sweaty from her run. And . . .

Michael: Excuse me.

Joey: Hello.

Michael stares at Joey, puzzled.

What can I do for you? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m waiting for someone.

Michael: I see.

Joey: I have an appointment.

Michael: Sorry to disturb you.

Joey: Not a problem, I’m sure the receptionist can help you out.

Michael: Or security.

Joey: Absolutely.

Michael reaches for the intercom.

Michael: Shall I call security?

Joey: I’m sorry, do you work here? I don’t know everyone who works here.

Michael: I can see that.

Joey extends a hand.

Joey: Joey.

Michael shakes.

Michael: Michael.

Joey: So your parents wanted a boy?

Michael: It means “gift from G-d” or “who is like G-d.”

Joey: It means your parents wanted a boy.

Michael: I’m guessing yours did too.

Joey: So what do you do here?

Michael: This and that . . . I’m the rabbi. So more this than that.

Joey: No.

Michael: And you’re in my chair.

Joey: You’re Rabbi Levitz-Sharon? (pronounced Share-in.)

Michael: Rabbi Michael Levitz-Sharon. (pronounced Sha-rown) Like the prime minister. No relation.

Joey: But you’re —

Michael: Not circumcised?

Joey: Young. I was thinking young.

Michael: Of course you were.

Joey indicates her ball cap.

Joey: And that’s your kippah? So you cover your head all the time?

Michael: You must be Mr. Brant.

Joey: So you heard I was coming?

Michael: I heard you wanted to see me today and Sheryl told you I wasn’t available because I’m never available Friday afternoons. I’ve got a service to prepare.

Joey: Did she tell you it was an emergency? I told her to tell you it was an emergency.

Michael: Did somebody die?

Joey: No one I know.

Michael: Is someone dying?

Joey: We’re all dying. It’s the human condition.

Michael: So it’s not an emergency. And it’s almost Shabbat. And I really have to shower and change.

Joey: This won’t take long.

Michael: I can see you next week. Not on Friday. Once the sun goes down I can’t turn on the hot water.

Joey: That’s just silly.

Michael: It is, actually, but that’s religion for you.

Joey: An ancient tradition dating back to the great showers of Egypt.

Michael: Also, the congregation will be wondering where I am.

Joey: I’m here now. I’m dressed. I only need a minute.

Michael: You look lovely. You should stay for services.

Joey: Are you kidding? It’s Friday night.

Michael: Yes, that would be when we traditionally have Friday night services. And you know what happens at sundown?

Joey: Hell yah. I remember this from Hebrew school. The chariot turns into a pumpkin and the horses turn back into mice.

Michael: You have to go. I have to change. Now if you want to talk next week —

Joey: This’ll only take a second. Please, just one second, I promise.