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Self-help Self-esteem


What Is Shame and How Can We Break Its Hold?

by (author) A.J. Bond

North Atlantic Books
Initial publish date
Sep 2021
Self-Esteem, Interpersonal Relations, Emotions
  • Paperback / softback

    Publish Date
    Sep 2021
    List Price

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The go-to guide to understand and unpack shame: what it is, why we feel it, and how to undo the lies it tells us about ourselves.

Are you ready to get Discomfortable?

This is a book about shame: what it is, why we have it, and how we can break its hold on our happiness. We all know shame: it's that feeling that tells us that somehow, who we are is inherently wrong. It's more than embarrassment or regret: it shakes us to the core. And most of all, it tells us that we need to be, feel, and act differently in order to be seen, loved, and accepted.

Author and "shame-ed" coach AJ Bond takes us through his own shame breakthrough, sharing how he went from I'd rather die than be gay to uncovering and reclaiming his inherent wholeness and worth. With unexpected humor, warmth, and candid personal stories, Bond shows readers:

Why shame shows up--the trauma, fixed mindsets, and messaging that give it a foothold

How shame tricks you into believing there's something wrong with you, even when you're perfectly right

The evolutionary reasons we humans developed a sense of shame (and why it doesn't serve us today)

How to manage and deprogram shame through connection, gratitude, and empowered choice

How we can re-parent ourselves, be fully seen, and feel fully loved

Bond shines a light on this feeling that doesn't want to be seen, heard, or named--and invites us to bring our own shame into the open and release it to reclaim and reframe our lives in a powerful new way.

About the author

Contributor Notes

A. J. Bond is a writer, filmmaker, and self-described "shame breakthrusiast," creator of the podcast and shame education platform Discomfortable. Bond is currently undergoing certification as a shame healing practitioner from the Center for Healing Shame in Berkeley, CA, and has conducted meetups, workshops, and public talks through conferences like the World Domination Summit and others. Bond's goal with Discomfortable is to make the subject of shame as ubiquitous, accessible, and entertaining as possible in the hopes that others can find the same sense of relief, liberation, and purpose that he experienced through his own "shame breakthrough."

Editorial Reviews

"Conveyed through personalized psychological insights, [Discomfortable] pairs its topical explorations of shame with tender, funny revelations, resulting in an approachable, earnest guidebook to living a more authentic life."
—Foreword Reviews
“Being able to handle shame is a superpower. I recommend this book to anyone that wants to feel bolder, genuinely free, and empowered.”
—Liv Larsson, author of Anger, Guilt and Shame and Nonviolent Communication trainer and mediator

“Bond writes beautifully about his personal journey of self-discovery and growth and sheds much light on the universal experience of shame as ‘emotional kryptonite.’”
—Sheila Rubin and Bret Lyon, cofounders and codirectors of the Center for Healing Shame

“A.J. Bond’s almost obsessive focus on seeing the world through the lens of shame provides many fascinating insights into both the obvious and hidden role that shame plays in our culture and individual lives. His book is a wonderful balance of autobiographical sharing interwoven with summaries of the academic influences that have helped him understand and heal from his own lifelong relationship to shame. A captivating and intriguing read for anyone dealing with the lingering effects of chronic shame in their life.”
—Dr. Douglas J Tataryn, originator of the Bio-Emotive Framework