CHAPTER 1

Awakening

I sat on the porch, hugging my knees with my face toward the sun, reveling in the warm feeling. The air smelled of freshly fallen leaves and sweet sunflowers. I watched the vibrant orange and crimson red leaves shake and shimmer in the breeze. They looked like they were shivering in the cool air, all too aware that winter was just around the corner.

A tiny red squirrel scampered up the tree, scooting along thick bark until it reached an outstretched branch. It promptly sat down with a huff, twitching its tail like a flag as it peered downward. It seemed to be scouting for potential falling nuts from this vantage point or perhaps selecting a new hiding spot to bury its next treasure.

The floorboards beneath me rumbled, a slight vibration from someone walking behind me. It came to a halt just behind my back. I peered up and spotted Ethan, holding two steaming mugs in his hands. He grinned, leaned down, and gave me a kiss upside down.

“Ooh! Just like Spiderman!” I said, giggling, as he handed me a yellow mug filled with swirls of luscious chocolate. Wisps of white steam floated upward as I inhaled its delicious aroma, a mix of peppermint and dark chocolate.

“Mmm! Thanks,” I murmured as I blew across the top of the mug, pushing the steam away from me and forming a very long curly shape in the letter S.

I could smell Ethan’s scent, a combination of pine and fresh snow which always reminded me of Christmas. I loved it. His presence had a calming effect on me whenever he was near. I always felt more grounded around him. He was my rock, he was a strong a pillar of stone. In many ways, he was literally my anchor, stopping me from being sent adrift on the days I felt lost, like today.

As I gingerly leaned in and took a tentative sip, being cautious not to burn my tongue, out of the corner of my eye I noticed him watching me. I could feel his gaze on me.

“What?” I asked as I slurped on the rich chocolate. It tasted like someone swirled a candy cane in it.

“Miss camp?” he replied as he gestured at my shirt with his free hand.

I looked down at my long sleeved waffle shirt in forest green. On the front was a white logo of an owl sitting inside a circle of branches featuring large letters that said “Camp Balsam.” It was where both of us taught martial arts. It had been a long, hot, and adventurous summer.

It was an eye-opening experience that changed me. It left a lasting impression that I couldn’t shake. I went as one person, left as another. It was like night and day. I couldn’t believe how different I felt when I got home. Mom was the first one to notice the difference. Aside from my being supremely tanned and more fit than usual, she remarked that I seemed like a new person, like a butterfly finally emerging from its shy cocoon.

She had seen a big shift in my confidence and noticed that I was more open and happy despite my exhaustion. I slept in as late as possible every day for a week upon arriving home.

Going back to school was a rude awakening. My body screamed and demanded more time to sleep in as if it wanted to make up for all that was lost during camp.

Not only was it a physical shift, it was the atmosphere at school. The difference between camp and school was drastic. I felt right at home during the summer, surrounded by so many good people where no one was judged, but loved regardless of their disability. It was a place of acceptance for both the staff and the kids. Every day I was met with hugs, warm smiles, and cheerful greetings.

On the first day of school, it was a shock to walk down the slick hallways and be treated so coldly. Everyone just pushed and shoved their way toward class, no smiles or a sense of acknowledgment. All eyes were averted, completely absorbed in their schedules or toward their destination. I was met with stony silence. It left me with a deep sense of isolation and confusion. I suddenly felt so displaced. It felt like a drastic shift between two realities, and I couldn’t find my bearings. I felt so lost.

I fiddled with the cuff of my shirt, smoothing out a wrinkle, nodding at Ethan. “Yeah, I do.” A wave of sorrow washed over me.

“Jessie, what’s wrong? You’ve been really quiet lately,” he said as he tilted his head to the side and reached out with his left hand, stroking my cheek with his fingers. His touch left a warm trail on my skin.

I heaved a deep sigh as I wondered how to convey my thoughts clearly to him. “Have you ever had that sensation when the ground suddenly seemed to disappear and you feel like you’re falling?’

He nodded. “Um...yeah, sort of,” he replied as his hand slid down my arm, moving up and down in slow, sensual motions.

“I just feel so lost, like a leaf turning and twisting in the air, completely at the mercy of the wind,” I said and looked out across the yard, toward the trees that displayed their vast plumage of brilliant fall colors.

“Ever since we left camp, it’s like there is this huge hole in my life.” My voice nearly broke, sounding more like a gasp. I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes.

Ethan grabbed my mug and placed it beside him on the porch and scooted closer to me, pulling me into his chest. He rubbed my back in slow circles.

“You feel like you’ve lost your friends?” he inquired, his voice rumbling in his chest near my face.

I nodded, suddenly feeling so tired.

“You know what? So do I, Jessie, so do I.” He leaned his head down to look into my eyes, his eyebrows creased in concern. “Is this about school?”

I nodded again. “Yeah,” I said softly, afraid that I’d lose control and start sobbing uncontrollably.

I could feel his chest rise and fall as he sighed deeply in frustration. He nearly growled as he clenched his jaw. “I wish that they could see what I see in you. They seem to have a very twisted and misguided view about you.”

I nodded. “I know. I thought that by now, they would treat me with more respect, just accept me for who I am. I want to be their friend, but it seems like that they don’t want that at all. It’s as if the harder I try, the more I push them away.”

As I spoke, his warm hand moved upward toward my neck, his fingers massaging the muscles in gentle strokes.

“It’s like every cruel joke and juvenile sense of ignorance followed me from junior high to here. I had expected to be able to shake off that awkward persona a couple of years ago.”

I slowly shook my head, trying to dispel those old memories and feelings.

“It’s as if I have this horrible, dark shadow from my past slithering into the present. Just when I think I had broken that bond, it rears its ugly head again and strikes at me in the form a demeaning prank or disparaging remark.”

My hands trembled as I spoke.

“I thought I was stronger, more sure of myself. It felt like the real me came through at camp. The minute I went back to school, it’s as if that person simply vanished.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. Before I could reach up and wipe it away, Ethan’s hand gently swiped it off. He pulled me in toward his lips and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek where the tear had fallen. He moved slowly toward my lips, touching them lightly and sensuously, leaving behind a tingling sensation. His mouth tasted like chocolate and candy canes.

My mind suddenly went blank, infused with a sense of one thought only: Ethan.

I gripped his hand, intertwining my fingers with his, their warmth sending a fire along my arm.

As we continued to kiss I was filled with a languid feeling, relishing in the comfort of his soft lips.

When we broke apart, gasping slightly, he gazed into my eyes as his other hand moved slowly along the back of my neck.

“Feeling better?” he said with a half-smile that curled up in the corner.

I nodded as I chuckled lightly.

“Jessie, those students at your school are just trying to tear you down so that they can climb all over you, literally. They are only doing it to make themselves seem stronger when in fact, it’s the opposite. They are so insecure and threatened by you that they have to make you seem smaller so they feel bigger. They are just playing mind games with you. You know what is true in your heart. Let it shine like you did at camp. You revealed your true self and everyone loved it.”

He reached up and stroked the side of my cheek, then tucked a long lock of blonde curls behind my ear.

“Once they see how strong you really are, they won’t patronize you anymore. You have the power to be in control of everything that happens, especially now.”

My eyebrows knitted together as I looked into his eyes. “What do you mean especially now?”

“Your training, Jessie. It’s not only making you physically stronger, it’s about utilizing your inner strength. It’s about finding the confidence from within. If any of them saw you at the dojo or at summer camp, they wouldn’t think twice about giving you any lip.”

His fingers grazed my forehead as he stroked the skin, brushing my bangs aside.

“You are a very different person now. You’re a teacher. That is so much more than what most of them have achieved so far. It’s amazing, Jessie. Show them that.”

I nodded as I thought about it.

“So, um...can I have my hot chocolate back or are you planning on hogging it?” I said as I tried to reach for it.

He barked a hefty laugh. “That’s going to cost you,” he said with a sly wink, leaning in closer to me.

“Uh huh...and uh, what would that be?” I said, smirking.

“Mmm, how about this?” he mumbled as his tender lips touched mine, pulling me in.

© 2013 by Jennifer Gibson