From The Onion alum writers Mike MacDonald and Jilly Gagnon comes a hilarious choose-your-own-path story to that will save you hours of suffering on Tinder.

The only thing worse than getting back on the dating horse? The brutal loneliness of perpetual singledom.

That's why you're putting in the effort to find your soulmate…or at least someone to warm your bed for a night. Playing as one of two characters, you get to choose just how bad your dating life gets. Will you head to a high school party or hitch your wagon to a Steve Urkel impersonator? Dabble in the painfully shallow depths of sexualizing your arm wound, or up the intensity of your first date by entering an underground fight club? Try to relive the romance of Harold and Maude, but with more roofies and an ominous burial plot in Maude's backyard?

From the writers who brought you the hilarious parodies Choose Your Own Misery: The Office and Choose Your Own Misery: The Holidays comes the oldest form of misery in the book: the self-prostitution that is dating.

"Oh, how I laughed at this droll little book. Then, slowly but irreversibly, it filled me up with dread." —Jesse Andrews, New York Times bestselling author of Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

Mike MacDonald and Jilly Gagnon have been writing comedy together for many years. Mike has worked for The Onion, founded his own Canadian satirical site, The Smew, and has been a journalist in Toronto and internationally. Additionally, he has written and produced sketch comedy television shows with one of the largest networks in Canada.

Mike MacDonald's profile page

Jilly has contributed to Newsweek, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, The Onion, and regularly in Boston’s Weekly Dig, where she’s a columnist. As the writer for a safari company, Jilly dreams of exotic adventures and high drama. Mostly it’s full of counting down the minutes until the next coffee break. Underworked but still unable to leave before the stroke of 5:30, Jilly is well-versed in the inanities that make up much of office life. And she’s always hoping no one’s really paying attention to her computer screen, where she’s working on documenting her own misery for “adventure” stories.

Jilly Gagnon's profile page

For Choose Your Own Misery: The Office
"[F]or former Choose Your Own Adventure fans and devotees of dark, dark humor."—PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
“[Choose Your Own Misery] joins Dilbert, The Office, and Office Space in the canon of storytelling about a circle of Hell so sinister—and so insidious—that even Dante wasn't able to imagine it.” —HUFFINGTON POST
“In their rip-roaringly funny book, Choose Your Own Misery: The Office Adventure, the two Onion alums make a dark and decidedly adult play on beloved childhood "choose your own adventure" novels…[Choose Your Own Misery] may be the funniest book released this year.”—NEWSWEEK
“Choose Your Own Misery: The Office Adventure is a bittersweet, brutal, and frequently hilarious twist on the childhood classics.”—NERDIST.COM
“Hell, the only reason for going to work is to goof-off reading Jilly Gagnon's and Mike MacDonald's book, CHOOSE YOUR OWN MISERY: The Office Adventure!”—E. Jean Carroll, former writer for SNL
“Choose Your Own Misery: The Office Adventure [is] the most addictive, clever, and honestly hilarious decision tree you've ever read.”—Zack Bornstein, segment director at Jimmy Kimmel Live
"Sorry, I've been spending every waking hour lost in your maddening madcap narrative labyrinth. I'll try to send a blurb for the book by the deadline!"—Jamie Brew, Associate Editor at Clickhole
"It’s time for you to choose your own miserable adventure, just like you do every day of your miserable life, but now in hilarious book form!”— Nate Dern, Head Writer for Funny or Die
"Oh, how I laughed at this droll little book. Then, slowly but irreversibly, it filled me up with dread."—Jesse Andrews, author of the New York Times bestselling ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL
For Choose Your Own Misery: The Holidays
"I played this book thirty times and the happiest ending I got was one where I got to eat turkey with a badly burned hand. Seems about right. Hilarious every time."—Ryan North, New York Times bestselling author of Romeo And/Or Juliet
"Tired of making decisions? Let me make it real easy for you. Choose to stay home at your next family holiday and, instead, read this book. You'll be laughing."—Mike Sacks, New York Times bestselling author of Poking a Dead Frog: Conversations with Today's Top Comedy Writers
"Bah! Humbug! An ideal choice for holiday haters and readers who enjoy David Sedaris’s hysterically funny take, Holidays on Ice."—Library Journal