Malcolm George Galbraith is a large, somewhat clumsy, Scotsman. He’s being forced to leave the woman he loves behind and needs to explain why.

So he leaves her a handwritten note on the kitchen table (well, more a 300-page letter than a note). In it, Malcolm decides to start from the beginning and tell the whole story of his long life, something he’s never dared do before.

Because Malcolm isn’t what he seems: he’s had other names and lived in other places. A lot of other places. As it gathers pace, Malcolm’s story combines tragedy, comedy, mystery, a touch of leprosy, several murders, a massacre, a ritual sacrifice, an insane tyrant, two great romances, a landslide, a fire, and a talking fish.

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Andy Hamilton is a comedy writer, performer and director. His television writing credits include Outnumbered, Drop the Dead Donkey, Kate and Koji, Not the Nine O’Clock News, Trevor’s World of Sport, Bedtime, Ballot Monkeys, Power Monkeys and many others. He also co-created the movie What We Did On Our Holiday. He has appeared many times on BBC TV panel shows such as Have I Got News for You, QI and Would I Lie to You and on Radio 4 shows such as News Quiz, I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue and The Infinite Monkey Cage. For twenty years he has played Satan in the Radio 4 comedy Old Harry’s Game, which he also writes. He is the voice of Dr Elephant the dentist in Peppa Pig.