Golf

TOP TEN GOLFER/CADDIE EXCHANGES

GOLFER: I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.
CADDIE: Do you think you can keep your head down that long?

GOLFER: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
CADDIE: Try heaven; you’ve already moved most of the earth.

GOLFER: Do you think my game is improving?
CADDIE: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

GOLFER: Do you think I can get there with a five-iron?
CADDIE: Eventually.

GOLFER: You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world.
CADDIE: I don’t think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.
GOLFER: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.
CADDIE: It’s not a watch. It’s a compass.

GOLFER: How do you like my game?
CADDIE: Very good, sir, but personally, I prefer golf.

GOLFER: Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
CADDIE: The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.

GOLFER: This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.
CADDIE: This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.

And the # 1 best golfer/caddie exchange:
GOLFER: That can’t be my ball. It’s too old.
CADDIE: It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.

The subject of the Masters came up, and Weir got into it with gusto.

“Augusta is a little more complex than some people give it credit for,” Weir said of the course. “A lot has been made that you can drive it anywhere out there, but they make changes every year so that this isn’t the case. There’s a little intermediate cut of rough which makes a big difference hitting your approach shots into the greens, and they’ve added some trees that overhang some of the fairways so that you don’t want to be in some spots, depending on where the pin is. You really do have to think there.

“The one great thing about Augusta,” Weir continued, warming to his subject while picturing the holes at Augusta National, “is that you really do have to shape it off the tee. There’s a shot that I’ve worked on in particular, a right-to­left shot, that I have to use a lot.” His hands gestured to show the flight of the ball. “Number 2, number 9, 10, 13, 14, a lot of shots are right to left for me. Then there’s 18, a little left to right. You have to shape your shots and then the greens are small and undulating, so your distance control with your irons has to be pretty sharp. The course played very long last year because it was very wet, but still, there’s always a premium on iron play.

“You also have to be sharp with your mental game. I’ve played the 12th hole dead into the wind sometimes, and gone to 13, which goes in the opposite direction, and that’s been dead into the wind too. The wind can really swirl through those holes, and you have to be able to handle some adversity that you’ll get. You may get a shot where you get a lucky break and the wind doesn’t gust up on you, but sometimes at Augusta it seems like you get fooled by the wind and make a mistake. You have to be able to handle that.

“In the past, I’ve had some success in individual rounds at Augusta, but I haven’t strung together a whole tournament there. My short game and putting hasn’t always been as sharp as it needed to be, but that’s what’s improved this year. Hopefully I can bring it to Augusta. If I can combine the creativity and better short game with a little better ball-striking, I should be okay.”

Discussion of Augusta National and the Masters led naturally into the four major championships, and Weir’s desire to win a major. His eyes narrowed. His voice deepened. There was emotion there, strong emotion.

“I don’t like to talk about it a lot, to tell the truth,” Weir says. “But obviously it’s very important to me for a number of reasons. First I wanted to get on the tour and establish myself as a decent player out here. Once I’d gotten to a certain level, I wanted to take the next step. No Canadian [male] has won a major before. It’s not only that factor, but it’s also for myself. I really want to challenge myself at that level and have that sense of accomplishment, to do that once in a lifetime or maybe more than once in a lifetime. Just to do it would make me feel fantastic. Just winning two tournaments this year has been satisfying. What goes into winning a tournament is more than what the public knows. And when I sit back in my hotel room, after winning those events, I feel a sense of relief because I’m tired, but I also know that it makes all the work worthwhile. I can’t imagine how I’d feel to do it in a major championship.”

From the Hardcover edition.