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Scene One Lights up to reveal Stuart standing on the ice. Charmaine, Mike, and Anoopjeet are on the end boards. Stuart looks at his watch. STUART: Well. Suppose we should just get started then. Quite the turnout. We got black, yellow, brown, white: all's we're missing is the red. Guess we'd better send up a smoke signal. (Silence.) That was a joke. I suppose the Natives wouldn't qualify for this thing anyways. Newcomers only. (Beat.) So, show of hands: who here has curled before? (No hands go up.) None of yas? Ever? CHARMAINE: They tried to have curling back home in Jamaica, but it didn't really take off. STUART: Why was that? Not enough white people to sign up for a bunch of foolishness that's not even a real sport. (Beat.) That was a joke. STUART: Mike, you musta went curling before. MIKE: No. STUART: Down at the university or what? MIKE: No. STUART: Katie never took you out curling? MIKE: No. STUART: Right. Why would she wanna go curl when you two could stay in and have a stimulating conversation like this? And what about you? ANOOPJEET: Anoopjeet. STUART: What was that? ANOOPJEET: Anoopjeet. Anoopjeet Singh. Hello. STUART: Oh. 'Lo. Stuart MacPhail. ANOOPJEET: It is very nice to meet you, Stuart MacPhail. (He steps onto the ice to shake STUART's hand, but immediately slips.) Whoa! (He recovers. Offers his hand.) Hello. (Slips again.) Whoa! (Getting off the ice.) I am just going to go...back...here. STUART: And uhh, where's home for you? ANOOPJEET: The other end of town - around the corner from the Giant Tiger.

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Fierce

Five Plays for High Schools
edition:Paperback
tagged : canadian
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Fall 2007. A public high school in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. BEFORE: A high school band classroom. Four students wait in their own worlds. They have their instruments out. TRUMPET: I joined band to meet girls. PERCUSSION: I joined band to meet girls. KEYS: I joined band because our school doesn't have a drama program. Or a choir. Or a dance team. TROMBONE: I didn't join band. They asked me to join because they didn't have any low brass and I already played for the Cadet Tri-Service Band, so I--THE OTHERS: We know. BARI: I asked to play trumpet but they said they already had one and "I look strong enough" so I should play bari sax. Now I drag this to school using like a luggage cart and a bunch of bungee cords. Guess who didn't get asked to semi? ALL EXCEPT TROMBONE: Me. A shift. TROMBONE: I'm taking this girl to Halifax who goes to different--THE OTHERS: We know. KEYS: Where is he? TRUMPET: Maybe he bailed. PERCUSSION: Maybe he's fallen into one of the parking lot potholes. BARI: They'll never find him. TROMBONE noisily empties the spit valve of his trombone onto some paper towel on the floor. KEYS pretends to throw up. TRUMPET: Where's everybody else? BARI: (Sucking on her reed.) Oh, this is one hundred percent it. TRUMPET: Shit, eh. (TROMBONE plays a wha-whaaa slide. It sounds like disappointment. PERCUSSION tries to spin drumstick.) PERCUSSION: What's the rules, if he's not here by quarter after we can go, right? And not get docked for it? KEYS: Where're you trynna be? PERCUSSION: Anywhere he isn't fucking spraying. (TROMBONE empties more spit.) BARI: Were we supposed to prepare anything? TRUMPET: No. This school's so fucking relieved to have some actual artsy stuff going on, we can't go wrong. We're doing them a favour. I can't even play the trumpet. PERCUSSION: Actually? KEYS: C'mon. BARI: (Still sucking on her reed.) Are you being serious? TRUMPET: It's three buttons. How hard can it be? (Everyone stares at him.) TRUMPET: Oh my GOD, I'm kidding. I play. (TRUMPET plays a few notes. It isn't good.) KEYS: This was a terrible idea.

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Excerpt

Prologue Surtitles: Friday, September 12, 1885. Then: Toronto. (PT Barnum is getting his hair cut. His friend Henrietta Ward is waiting for him. The barber is Shack.) BARNUM: I told them to give me their best barber and they sent me you. SHACK: Yes, Mister Barnum, only the best for you, sir. BARNUM: How does that get proved anyway? SHACK: Oh, I'm visiting from out of town, sir. This way they don't have to argue among themselves. BARNUM: So you're not the best barber then? SHACK: Oh no, I am. You always want a barber who trained aboard ship, they got the steady hand. BARNUM: You trained aboard ship. SHACK: Steward on the Mississippi, Civil War. BARNUM: For the South? HENRIETTA: (Quick loud laugh.) For the North, Phineas. You're such a card. BARNUM: (Laughs then returns to his questioning.) So where'd you come in from then, if you from outta town? SHACK: From London, sir. BARNUM: London. My elephant Jumbo comes from London too, have you seen him? SHACK: I come in from London, Ontario, sir. BARNUM: Oh. Oh. SHACK: Come to Toronto for a few days to mentor the young son of an old friend in the art of barbering. BARNUM: London, Ontario. How do you get here from there? Horseback? SHACK: Well sir, I'm just not sure that's a topic for a gentleman to discuss. BARNUM: What, you mean me? I haven't been a gentleman going on sixty years now. I'm an old humbug. SHACK: Well, if you say so. I'm a dingbat, Mr. Barnum. BARNUM: A whatbat? A whobat? SHACK: A dingbat, sir. I ride the rails. Cheapest way to travel if you don't get caught. BARNUM: Ha! Well I'll be a gaycat. A dingbat? A dingbat. I always wanted to try that.

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Excerpt

Scene 1 Late summer, 1665. Dawn. By the river. Far off in the distance, a bell tolls. JEANBAPTISTE enters, carrying a pile of furs. KATERI follows behind him. KATERI: Raktsi:ah (big brother), let me help you. (LUCK-JI'-AH)She helps him load the canoe. JEANBAPTISTE: Your little arms are strong. KATERI: You'll need help carrying these to the fort. JEANBAPTISTE: You're here to help out in camp. The fort is no place for you. KATERI: I can help you paddle across. And get to see their big canoes. JEANBAPTISTE: It's dangerous. KATERI: Then you shouldn't go alone. JEANBAPTISTE: I've made the trip many times KATERI: With other men, never on your own. JEANBAPTISTE: It's not a safe place for you. There's sickness in the fort. KATERI: There's sickness in our village, too. Iakoianeh (Clan Mother said I need to learn all I could. How could I do that from a camp across the river? I won't go in the fort. I'll watch the canoe and this stuff. JEANBAPTISTE: Careful, that's our best pelt. It'll trade well. (Pause.) It's hard work. If you come, no complaining. KATERI: I never complain.JEANBAPTISTE: And you'll do whatever I say. KATERI: Yeah, except for when you're being a grump. Then you're on your own. JEANBAPTISTE: Eh kati tho. (So be it.) [EH GUDDEE TOE.]

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Whimsy State

Whimsy State

or The Principality of Outer Baldonia
edition:Paperback
tagged : canadian
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